dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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