I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
