my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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