is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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