ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
im holly from the hills drunk
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
