Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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