Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
