Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
