he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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