my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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