im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
