I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
