can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
