I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
