He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
