Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Randomize
