Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
