I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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