If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
