I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
