I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i think my mom watched the whole time
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
foreskin is a definite game changer
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
