i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
