I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
