Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
