is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
