Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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