This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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