I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
