When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
