Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
