She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
