MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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