I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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