I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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