I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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