U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
