And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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