I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize