Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
and you fell through a lawn chair
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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