I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
