We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
