no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
