girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
