You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
