you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Found your dick twin last night
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
