he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
