I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
