I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
it was like eating out sand paper
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
