you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
