do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
