Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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