the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
