hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
