dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
