If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize