apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
