420 ftw
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize