so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
