So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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