Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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