Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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