pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
