hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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