Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Randomize
