i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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