Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize