I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
