I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize